RECORD REVIEW: Megachurch – Megachurch

“Holy shit! These guys are fucking awesome!” That was how I responded when I first saw Megachurch play live at last year’s Aquabear County Fair. That exact same reaction held true when I first heard this album. Their music is a punch to the gut. It hurts a little bit, but it makes you feel like more of a man (or woman) afterward.

Megachurch offers up the soundtrack to the end of days with driving, gigantic drums and a duo of talented bassists. The only vocals to be heard are samples from numerous preachers speaking the gospel to throngs of adoring followers. Plus, it’s all recorded and mixed so masterfully that you’ll feel as if you’re sitting in Ted Haggard’s congregation just as the floor cracks open and hell’s legions drag him down into the abyss. Through a mere six songs, Megachurch rocks out more than most bands can accomplish in their entire careers. Let’s break it down track by track.

1. “The Second Coming” Every album should start out this way. The drums blast in and get heads banging as bilingual preparations for judgement day are made. All the while one big riff holds it all together. Get ready. Jesus is about to come.

2. “Exorcism” As expected, this song opens with the sounds of one bad ass demonic possession. Not quite as predictable is the fact that it features one of the best bass riffs I’ve ever heard. It kicks in at about the minute and a half mark. You’ll know when you hear it and your colon drops out of your underpants. This may be the best song here.

3. “The Mission” Are you ready for a recorder orchestra? Probably not. Too bad. This is an incredibly strong track that features some of the nicest harmonic distortion on the album.

4. “The Gay Agenda” Yikes! I’ve always felt that religious persecution of homosexuals was based in nothing more than hatred and fear. The samples used within might lead you to agree. This is easily the most unsettling track on this album.

5. “More Mormon Than Mormon” Best. Song title. Ever.

6. “Tithing” Opening up with a beautiful blast of feedback and featuring some of best melodies on the album, “Tithing” wraps things up perfectly. If there was any lingering question leading into it, this closing song proves beyond doubt that Megachurch is not a gimmicky, single-note band. Any fan of instrumental greatness will soon be driven to play this one on heavy rotation.

Megachurch offers listeners a Newer Testament founded solidly on amplifier worship. They manage to simultaneously provide both a stinging commentary on fundamentalist Christianity and a killer collection of incredibly heavy tunes. I just can’t find this album’s weakness. It’s simply fantastic. And if all that still isn’t enough to get you to buy this record, the artwork on the LP’s sleeve features an evangelist minister wielding a flaming sword while mounted on a dragon that’s flying through outer space. Holy shit. That’s fucking awesome.

Buy: Megachurch