What kind of people would answer the door to this shockingly-mint green house in Marietta? What kind of people spend days carving and letter-pressing? As my friend and I pulled up to the home of Bobby Rosenstock and Sara Alway, I sort of hoped weâ€™d step into a time warp: Bobby in suspenders and Sara in a circle skirt. With pink cheeks and drooped brows, theyâ€™d be gritty young warriors of the Industrial Revolution.
This is not who we met. Bobby greeted us sporting New Balances, a beanie and tan beard that blended right into his face. His green, ink-stained apron looked as natural on him as his jeans, which happened to be the exact color of his eyes . I guess he looked like your average letter-pressing, wood-carving NY/Portland/Philly to rural Ohio transplant. His wife, Sara, appeared to be a grown-up Lisa Loeb, with cat-eyed frames and perfectly lined eyes. She teaches design at Marietta College, and I suspect that many of her students have been crushing hard.
The two were having a dinner party that night, so Sara stayed upstairs and attempted chocolate mousse cake, and the boys and I headed downstairs.
Showing up for something like Bacon Fest completely sober (hungover) may not have been my best idea, especially when it means abandoning my cool-kid time-code and showing up to the Union at the crack of 10pm. But after a few hours of bacon, boobies and bands, I found myself with whiskey in hand, appreciating the spectacle.
The night started with a contest for the best bacon-inspired food, which became more of a sexed-out, greasy pep rally for all things pig. Boxcar Burlesqueâ€™s Dolly Derringer hosted the festivities, dread-locked, long-lashed and oozing with the kind of sexiness usually reserved for female drummers, bartenders and tattoo artists. Her judgesâ€”a Â mohawk, an ironic mullet and a fake pig noseâ€”braved through dozens of bacon dishes submitted by audience members. There was bacon-stuffed, deep-fried deviled eggs, bacon meatloaf, bacon jam, bacon doughnuts, bacon ice cream, bacon pie, bacon cake, bacon baklava, bacon toffee and more. The judges picked their favorites, and the winners received adorable, homemade pig trophies. I appreciate a good theme, but this part of the night just dragged, probably because it canâ€™t be all that easy to rehearse and time an unprecedented bacon extravaganza. Or maybe I should have been drunk.